I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
