how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
