2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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