Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
