remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
