I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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