ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
