I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
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He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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