if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
