I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
