so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
