He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
