The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
