Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
