she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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