i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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