kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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