if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize