When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
