You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
