Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
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I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
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I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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