so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
