He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
