my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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