I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
