five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
