apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
