It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my being single is dangerous.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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