It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
