I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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