Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
