maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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