i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
