yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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