I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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