I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
