so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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