Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
