I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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