i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
