just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
