were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
