dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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