So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
