I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
