I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
