Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
