I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
