apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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