Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
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