$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
