I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
