this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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