We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I think my vagina is haunted
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
