yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
