Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
