I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
