And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
