um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
