he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's official drugs can't kill me
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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