This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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