I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
