WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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