listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
